Right Of Passage

My children should fear me, but they do not know what mishchief I've been up to. But if they did - they would probably put themselves in Time Out for fear of acting out.

I've purchased the Holy Grail of Obedience Reinforcement. Not a new belt - we all know those leave stings that fade quickly (and some don't even hurt that bad). You can't buy "switches" at the store - which really? Those are very close to actual child abuse.

I didn't get a Time Out Square.

And I didn't start a rewards chart.

I now own the one thing that still means "ouch" to me instead of it's intended purpose.

A wooden spoon.

It's magical, really. These spoons give the parent an extra 8 inches of reach. With little force, they leave one hell of an impression. What was likely invented to stir sweet tea or serve macaroni and cheese is instead used to persuade good behavior within mere seconds of its appearance.

I feel like this is a right of passage - one that I earned through countless wooden spoons that have broken on my appendages as well as the cumulative 20 months of pregnancy and labor of 2 children. I have earned the right to use the Ultimate Punishment in the fearful eyes of a disobedient child.

And I'm totally proud to welcome the wooden spoon to my arsenal. Bring it kids.