Revenge Tastes of Strawberry Yogurt

I had a nice post for today, all about mommy hood, parenting and all that jazz. 

BUT, I spent the latter half of my mother's day violating Dora, and honestly, it's way better than some thought provoking blog on The Mom Job.

Instead, I present to you, The Mom Job: Vindicated Edition.

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Chase woke early Sunday morning in a generally irritable state. He wouldn't sit still for long, acting a bit cranky, and I wrote it off as him finally getting his lower two teeth (the ones on the side, he has 4 top, 2 bottom middle at 17 months).

Michael's family came for late lunch to visit, and his mother carried Chase around outside in the balmy 90-degree weather for a spontaneous water gun fight. When Chase came in around 1:30, after a short jog around with a wet, hot diaper half-filled with sand particles and poo, in an exceptionally irritable mood, I didn't blame him. I changed him and noted that his "area" looked equally as irritated and threw some diaper rash ointment on the matter and whisked him off to Nap Land.

*I use this stuff for the bad diaper rash, it works fastest and contains oat essence and willow herb along with zinc-oxide: 

He fell asleep almost instantly after spreading his tiny legs as wide as they'd go in a frog-like poition. 

"Poor kid..." I thought.

He woke, even more angry, several hours later. I changed his diaper only to discover that his "diaper rash" was not diaper rash at all, it had spread down his thighs, up his crack and his Family Jewels were now swollen 2-3 times more than normal. I'd seen this before in Conner - yeast infection.

(Quick Mommy Note: Yes, boys get yeast infections. Actually, one of the few "down sides" to breastfeeding is that your baby is receiving constant antibodies, which kills both the "good stuff" and the "bad stuff". Thus, yeast infection)

I called the FIL (Dr. he is), requested an Rx for Nystatin to be called into our 24-hour pharmacy, called said pharmacy who in turn informed me that it would be between 1-2 hours. Wonderful.

In the mean time, Chase cranked up the cranky, and couldn't walk. He would stop and squat and cry. I took his disposable diaper off  and put on a cloth one, as I know they are more breathable (I stopped short of letting him roam free, he IS a boy... and boys and their toys is a different blog post all together).

It was when he started just sitting and crying that I googled "home remedy for yeast infection in toddler". Numerous results came back with anti-fungal cream this and special mineral oil that, none of which I had. But one result kept popping up that I did have, but I chuckled off at first: "apply probiotic yogurt directly to affected area" it said....

I kept searching, laughing with Michael about how we only had Dora the Explorer Yoplait Strawberry flavored yogurt, and that I didn't think that was how Nickelodeon had intended Dora be treated.

But, then there was Chase - crying, swollen and clearly in need of instant relief. We fetched the little Spanish speaking fat-faced girl and her monkey with shoes side-kick from the fridge. I turned to ask "Do you think he'll want Strawberry or Cherry?". Michael shrugged that it didn't matter, "he's not eating it". Ah, good point.

We undressed Chase and placed him in the tub. I peeled off the top of the yogurt and Michael and I looked at one another and laughed nervously, again. 

I'll spare you who won the honor of becoming the Applicator, but there stood my darling 17-month old baby boy, Family Jewels deep in Dora and Boots.

I stopped. Suddenly, all these years of "Da da Dora, dadada Dora, DORA THE EXPLORER!" and "I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm THE MAPPPPP" came crashing into my cerebellum. For so long, I'd wanted to take that little fat-faced girl, monkey and cousin Diego to Customs and kick their hind quarters back to whichever Spanish-speaking country they'd come from. Oh how they annoyed me so.

And now? Now I'm spreading you allllllll ova my son's testicles and smiling because THIS is what sweet revenge tastes like - strawberry flavored yogurt.

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Chase spent the next hour slathered in Dora's fruits and his berries became notably less irritated. He took a luke warm bath and sat naked with Michael and Conner for the next hour as I retrieved the prescription.

This morning, he is still swollen and irritable, but getting better. 

And I, on the other hand, am feeling vindicated and a quite confident I'll never eat yogurt again.