Church of Amanda

When we relocated to Montgomery from Birmingham, Michael and I soon noticed a trend. I don't even know if trend is the right word because trends aren't always followed by every single person, but I don't have another word and I refuse to google it right now, so deal, ok?

Great.

The trend-that-everyone-was-doing- and-I-mean-everyone, you might ask?

Well, people would introduce themselves, ask our names, where we were from and then ask one. more. question.

"So... what church do you go to?"

At first it wasn't odd, it set off zero alarms and we just answered very frankly that we were literally JUST settling in to our new surroundings and we would soon start the Church Hunt.

Each person, every person, would take that opportunity to invite our family to The Greatest Church on Earth (or at least one within driving distance). "Invites" came from all denominations - Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic, Episcopalian, Church of Christ, Presbyterian, etc. All with the same persuasive tone, eager invite and enthusiastic PR rant about their Church Home.

It took a few weeks before it went from "Oh, well I got another 4 invites today, honey...." to "Um, Amanda... does everyone ask you what church we've signed our livelihood over to yet when you are out grocery shopping?" (Michael was getting, at one point, no less than 10 DIFFERENT invites a day - he was meeting a LOT of new people opening up a new office here).

It became a joke around here, within the confides of our 4-sides brick. Not a JOKE joke, but something we found very Montgomery. Nothing said "Welcome to the Bible Belt" more than having to meet a new person and go through the "Name, Residency, Church Affiliation" interrogation routine. We know church is important, and that it has an EXTRA SPECIAL importance here, but in a large(r) city - like say, Birmingham - asking someone's church affiliation within 2.5 seconds of meeting them is just not normal (or the norm, if you will).

And soon we took the bait on several local church hooks, trying on a few different denominations and coming up a little short. We realized that we didn't really fit in here, and it would take time to "break in" to some of these very tightly knit groups of friends and that in this new, strange world, everything was Church-centric.

Here's the part where I break off and tell you that I have absolutely nothing against church - as a matter of fact, I miss having a Church Home. It's a wonderful place to meet like-minded and even different-minded people to share experiences with and worship the Lord. A place to become comfortable in and grow relationships with both your neighbor and your Savior. Church is a haven for raising children in the ways God has set forth for us.

Our problem, if you will, was that it's just so dang different here.

The children don't go to the same schools, the kids in the neighborhoods, ergo, don't play together unless they have something else in common - and in this case it is church.

That's apparently why almost 99% of Montgomerians felt it was so important for us to "pick one and pick one NOW".

When we DID pick, under a bit of pressure to do so, we kinda figured out the hard way we'd pick the wrong one for us (mucho emphasiso on the US-o part...o...). I don't really care to go into which church we picked or how it All Went Wrong. Honestly, it wasn't the church at all, but certain people in a certain group of people in that church. And What Went Wrong wasn't even church-related, but very non-church related and this is me stopping about this now because I don't want it to get all "Jon and Kate drama" on my blog about church and these people, because dude, that could go very very badly.

However, the drama surrounding that Church Break-up made us oh so hesitant about picking another one.

And when it came time to put Conner in preschool, I shopped around some more because I wanted him to go to a church preschool (just as I did). We "tried on" three more churches, and we finally picked what is known in Montgomery as Six Flags Over God, because people - it's huge. But, big has it's advantages.

I really like the place, I do, but it still doesn't feel like Home to me, and I don't think it can. It's, again, not the people and this time, not the drama.... but, it's nothing like what I grew up with and I think the only way to find that Special Something I am looking for in a church is to be comfortable. And there is ONE THING I am not in this New Place, and that is COMFORTABLE.

For me and my family, committing to a place that doesn't call to you isn't committing to the Lord in a way I find appropriate (Staci pointed that one out, as she is having the same problems in her "new place" and she's about to move to The Netherlands, so she's sure to have even MORE of a problem... nothing says uncomfortable like a church sermon in Dutch...).

And going home? Well, we all know that isn't an option right now.

And why, Amanda, have you ranted about all this for so long? Well, I'm glad I asked what you were thinking, because I'd like to present to you an idea:

The Church of Amanda

(GASP!) (Oh, calm down already) (it's not that bad, and we aren't worshipping me) (although...) (no seriously... moving on)

In the Church of Amanda (which is located in my house, because in my house, I am comfortable AND I like the people... most of the time, anyways), we believe in God as our Creator. We believe that Jesus is the Son of God, born of the Virgin Mary, died on the cross and was resurrected. He was sent here to pay the price for our sins.

In the C.O.A., we (ok, mostly me) like to mix a little Catholic in, and believe that Mary deserves some Special Title, because COME ON, she BIRTHED Jesus. So, she gets Saint rights or something similar and I didn't give them to her, but God did and the Catholic church and some other fine Godly peoples.

We, in COA, believe in lots of Saints, too... because they perform miracles through God on Earth and they deserve Special Credit. I'm just going to save my butt here and say that all the Saints in the Catholic doctrine are credible peoples, so they are good in the C.O.A. (Although, again, some of this is out of Michael's Baptist realm, so... he gets to pick the parts of aforementioned beliefs that he wants to believe, see how flexible we are here in the Church of Amanda?)

In the Church of Amanda, we worship how we want - whether that be through singing or dancing, music or no music, clothes or barely any clothes (because praying in the shower totally counts, and cleanliness is Godliness). There's also no real schedule, so pray when you need to, worship when you need to, confess when you need to... etc.

We also read from The Bible and try and teach the lessons within the Bible that are kid friendly through the Children's Bible with lots of pictures. As a family, we say the Lord's Prayer and several others when necessary, and since I am Catholic-lite, I also say Hail Mary's. But, again... this is all about comfort... so do as you wish in the Church of Amanda.

Oh, there's one issue that the Church of Amanda needs addressing - tithing. Since the Church of Amanda is temporary until we go BACK HOME, we tithe to the church that Conner attends school at a little, but mostly to OUR Church Home back in Birmingham.

The Church of Amanda is in no way a jokey-joke or making fun of churches at all, just a funny reminder that sometimes, when you just can't find your fit in a new place, maybe that place isn't for you. In life, you have to make the best of what you are given, so for now, I am doing just that.

I might even make cards. You know, for when people start introducing themselves. I just hope they don't show up expecting a riveting service......

W.W.L.C.D.? **Updated**

*Question at the bottom

I wore my hair half up for Chase's doctor's appointment on Monday. I felt a little down (not knowing yet that I was catching the Flu from Chase), my hair was a wreck and my head hurt too much for a ponytail. 

I didn't care that I thought I looked like a 6th grader.

But then, I kind of thought it was cute too. 

Really on the fence about it, and I thought about taking a picture to post with this blog. THEN I realized how absolutely stupid I was for even THINKING about posting a picture of myself when I looked like DEATH.

So, I did what any too-much-reality-television-SAHM would... I asked myself "What would Lauren Conrad Do?"

Because, see... it's all about standards. And in my mind, whether or not LC would approve is the Golden Standard for all that is fashionably acceptable. After thinking it over, I was positive that I'd seen LC wear her hair half up just as I had with the only difference being that she looked waaaay hotter.

Our standards set our expectations. 

My husband eats the partial garbage I set before him every night at dinner because it's what he expects from the standards of meal quality I've set forth over the course of our marriage. Call him a trained dog. 

Say I had started off our marriage cooking 4 course gourmet meals and just now (two kids deep) starting giving him Hamburger Helper or Chicken and Rice Casserole, see... he'd be disappointed.

(Side note: I actually can cook, but I don't have the time anymore to cook the things that take time... soo... we eat lots of Hamburger Helper and casseroles...)

Or... say hypothetically... if I'd been keeping my house spotless for YEARS and my mom came over to watch Conner while I shuffled Chase off to the pediatrician, only to come home feeling really battered for her to point out that I need to dust my clock - had she of been mislead for years to think I actually CARED, then she'd be disappointed, her expectations unmet. But, fortunately for both of us, I understand that clock-dusting is farrrr less important than another game or two of hide and seek or making sure we have clean underwear (which, until last night, we didn't... so...). (and can you believe she pointed out my dusty clock on my wall... DUDE... what GIVES?... if you care that much LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE WE HIDE THE PLEDGE)

Which brings me to my final Standard and Expectation:

Not knowing what Chase had, I was determined with the passion of a thousand white-hot suns to leave that doctor's office without a life-threatening disease we didn't enter with. So, I brought Clorox Wipes - which I feverishly shoved into an empty plastic bag even though I was already running late (because apparently, bringing in the whole container would just make me feel bad... who knew?).

Fortunately, we only spent a few minutes (like... umm.. 2 minutes) in the waiting room. I have successfully deciphered the Code of Pediatrician and now understand which appointment time is The One That Gets You In and Out the Absolute Fastest (under 1 hour, with full lab workup!!) (and sorry, I can't tell you or everyone will do it... I'm selfish like that).

The nurse came, sent us to lab and then we went back to our room. Chase shuffled for the play stairs and book bin and I began a frantic search for the Clorox wipes. 

I then took ONE wipe, starting at the top of the handrail that children in This Pediatricians Office use to get up to the table (it doubles as the Best Toy Ever because what child under 4 doesn't love little tiny Stairs Their Size??).

And then... I looked at the wipe.

On the left: an unused Clorox Wipe              and      On the Right: ONE SWIPE on the most COMMONLY touched surface by children in my pediatrician's office.

I almost threw up (no exaggeration).

I'll give the office this: this was not the first morning appointment (but it wasn't even afternoon either). 

But then, I proceeded to wipe the book bin with the SAME RESULTS. 

Now, I'm not a pediatrician, but if I were, I can ASSURE you I'd be paying someone to disinfect EVERYTHING in the room a child could potentially touch. At the very least, I'd require someone to wipe down the most commonly touched surfaces in between patients with a FREAKING CLOROX WIPE.

For those in Montgomery, I won't name the practice. I do kinda feel bad... (but if you are concerned, email me)

BUT - is this acceptable to you? Does this meet your expectations for cleanliness ANYWHERE much less a Peds practice?

(Makes me wonder if they don't CARE b/c if the child gets sick again, then they'll be back which equals more $$.... food for thought)

WHY DON'T DOCTORS DO HOUSE CALLS!?!

**Updated: A reader (Bonnie) suggested I write a letter (including pics) and send it to the pediatrician in question. What would you do?**

Private School Drama To Be Continued.

We are going to tour another (snotty) private school tomorrow - and this one COSTS MORE!

Won't you all stay tune for the nonsense in store?

Excellent.

On Being Judged *

*I went on a bit of a rant in the comments section, if I were you I'd already be there... Well, you do need to read the post first, but after that... I'D GO THERE.

We arrived a whole 20 minutes early for The Judging, too bad they won't take off a percentage of the $10,000 per year for every minute early... 

Overall, it wasn't too bad. As a matter of fact, I kinda enjoyed myself. 

There's just something about school that makes me all sparkles and rainbows and glitter on the inside. The lockers - you remember how OVER THE MOON you were about lockers? The science lab - how frickin awesome was it to reproduce fake rain clouds or watch a penny get eaten by stomach acid? LUNCH - I know this sounds crazy, but my high school had THE BEST FOOD. The stromboli, the cinnamon toast, the FRIES with GOOEY CHEESE... just the sheer selection of it all, man I wish I could have that many options everyday for lunch now, but alas, we are broke.

At this school, the lunches are catered by a company called Sage, which looks way too yummy.

Well, let's not make this post about food.

The very first thing the admittance counselor spoke of was the curriculum, which is a good place to start, right? And... she started with Bible. Don't get me wrong, I do like the fact that because it's a private Christian school, Bible will be a part of the curriculum and prayer and worship is not only encouraged, but group led with weekly Chapel. However, she was on a 10 minute rant about how Bible was part of the daily lesson structure throughout the 12 years, and that they wouldn't test till after 3rd grade, and once they started testing it would initially only be on the Books of the Bible, the Kings of the OT, the major stories, etc... and then they would move on to memorization of Psalms and key scripture and versus ... and then finally Michael spoke up....

"We fully support Conner's education being in a Christian environment, and we agree that teaching the Word of God is very important, but the bottom line is this: knowing scripture instead of how to write an essay isn't going to get you into a good college..."

THANK YOU MICHAEL!

I mean, I'm not shelling out The Big Monies for my child[ren] to learn about God and Jesus and Noah but be unable to write an advanced, well-researched and well-constructed essay or not know how to solve a logarithmic differentiation. (totally remembered hating on logarithms but did google the correct term...)

She seemed unfazed and almost relieved that Michael wanted to know about the core curriculum required for college admissions.... almost like it was a test...

So we spoke of class size (small.... check), curriculum for each year, academic standards, athletic opportunities (3A... boooo...), foreign language class requirements (must have 3 years in high school of the same language, yay! They also begin Spanish in 1st grade.), and various other aspects of the school's identity.

We toured the "campus", asked a few more questions and overall, were very pleased with the facility, it's staff and the curriculum opportunities. In case I haven't mentioned it already (please don't roll your eyes), Michael and I both determined that this is, unfortunately, still nothing more than everything the boys would have access to in Birmingham without the price tag (Jefferson/Shelby County school systems, Hoover, Mountain Brook, Trussville, etc).  The only thing we've found different is that lunch is included in the price. How nice of them...

Our biggest areas of concern:

1. It's located directly across the street from an apartment complex. Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with an apartment complex or it's occupants, but they do typically attract single men, young crazy college kids and others. This is me trying to be sensitive to those who currently live in an apartment... is it working?
2. For a price tag of aforementioned CRAZY MONIES, one would assume that this facility would be sparkly and flashy, right? Eh. No. On the outside, it appears that it was built circa 1960 and never updated. The kindergarten uses a 4 teacher and 1 floating teacher set-up (which I love because the students become accustomed to the "sub" and ergo don't have a "day off" because the "cat's away"), but they are housed in TRAILERS! When I was in 5th grade (circa 1995), Jefferson County school systems ABOLISHED trailers (ok, so they ended having to bring back a few, but that's not the point - THAT was "free"). I can't believe they are even allowed these days and I find it completely unacceptable for a school shoveling in 10 grand per year per child to be unable to nix portable trailers!!
3. On the note of totally unacceptable for an institution that will be raping my bank account: there are only 2-3 computers per classroom. Does this bother anyone else? My son can work Mickeymouse.com better than I can, and then there's that commercial where the 7-year-old girl takes pictures, uploads and emails them - yet this school is unable to allow access to a personal computer for my child for some sort of allotment each day? WHAT?!
   

On the note of the totally adorable: 3rd graders and under are allowed the option of no shoes while indoors. Isn't that adorable? It apparently makes them more comfortable (which I can totally see). I was also thinking this - wouldn't that cut down on tracked-in germs?

For sho'.

And now, this post is foreva' long, so there shall be a Part Deux.

Not Home, Not Now, No Way.

It’s over guys. After 1 month on the market, we had an employee of Michael’s show interest in renting the house. Good news was he wanted it now, the bad news is that it wouldn’t cover our mortgage by $250 a month and the ugly news was that he needed only a 1 year lease and wanted an escape clause in case he took a job elsewhere.

We were really stuck. The market is horrible, and we took last week to speak with 3 realtors. Not only are houses selling for $30,000 under their value, but the realtor’s in the area are just not showing homes. None. Our favorite realtor, Julie D. with Prudential Ballard told us “my phone doesn’t ring anymore… ever.” It was a nail in the coffin for us. We knew that even if we listed with her, the house wouldn’t show. If we rented – the tenant could back out in a year (or less) and according to Julie it WILL take more than a year for the market to stabilize.

We just couldn’t slit our throats financially. If our house sold for $20,000-30,000 less the price we paid, we would not only loose our down payment, but we’d have to bring 15-20 grand to the table. We don’t have that to throw away.

So, we made a hard decision. We thought about it all weekend. Saturday night, I couldn’t sleep so I got up to talk to Michael.

“What if we don’t leave… is that even possible?”
“I was wondering the same thing,” he said.

And with that, we were sold. The parade of homes was in the neighborhood all weekend, and not one phone call. The house down the street, on the market for 3+ months… not ONE SHOWING.

Michael talked to the comapny he works for this morning and it’s official – moving to Birmingham is a dead duck.

We are actually ok though. I know most of you are upset for us, and we truly “feel the love”. We wanted to live there too, believe me. It’s difficult to justify the schools here – you pay $10,000 a YEAR and get a sub-par education where in Birmingham the boys could go to public school FOR “FREE”. They’d have access to a larger school, more options for academic pursuits and, of course, the athletic opportunities associated with well established 5 and 6A programs (note: this is our opinion, sorry Montgomerians. We both graduated from "public" (I use that term loosely, as Michael did go to Mountain Brook) schools in Jefferson County, and from what I've seen here, it's just not the same)

We hate that the boys won’t be near their grandparents. We desire to be closer to our church family at Mountain Brook. We can’t stand being the “new kids” with no friends.

When we had Chase almost a year ago, Michael and I were flabbergasted with the medical system here in Montgomery. The NICU staff was floored and did not have the knowledge or experience to deal with his condition. After being flown to Children’s, Michael and I talked about how we could be ok with keeping our family so far from what we consider to be excellent healthcare. With that said, we will continue to see the doctor’s at Children’s because their services can not be replaced.

But as far as moving back goes, give us a few years. Once the boys are in elementary school, I will be working and we will begin to look for jobs in Birmingham again.

For now, thank you all for the calls, emails, and messages. We really hate being away from you all, and we know we are loved. But hey, you are always welcome to visit!

Lots of Love,
Amanda & Michael