In Which My 4-year-old Tells A German Man To Eat It

I frequently address what it's like to do this job, being a mom, but rarely do I mention what it means to do the same job from the male perspective - the "dad job", if you will. It's his job to teach our sons the timeless classics - how to hold a football with fingers to laces, what a proper full body tackle looks like, or where to find the best fishing spots. In Conner's case, this also means proper gaming technique, phrasing included.

Conner and Michael play a few games on our Wii and PS3, admittely some are not in his age range, but rest assured that we take steps to keep these as "kid friendly" as possible, and several games are saved specifically for post-bedtime (read: Michael's eyes only). But, let's be frank here - sheltering children from things they see on Spiderman (cartoon) and Transformers (also cartoon) are simply unrealistic. For the sake of this story, Conner was playing a game where you line up tanks, take down helicopters, and shift troops (no blood, no person-on-person combat, etc) - it's about strategy. 

Normally, as in 99% of the time, Michael plays alongside Conner. They team up, high five at "major take downs", "boo" enemy enclaves, "fist bump" over reached redenevouz points and subscribe to a very specific brotherhood known as Gaming Lingo.

"Yeah, baby!" exclaims my nearly 5-year-old, "LET ME SHOW YOU MY SURPRISE!" he torts towards his defeated foes. Michael agrees, acknowledges a downed enemy helicopter and they move on to the next area. There's even a sense of competition between them. During any given game, Conner teases Michael "why do you ALWAYS die, gah!". 

It's really all hilarious. But today, at an early dinner of crockpot Chicken Noodle soup (which was simply amazing, just so you know), Conner decided that he wasn't hungry for a "second lunch" (seeing as he ate only 45 minutes prior), and so we allowed him to continue playing his game. But, Conner being the "button pusher" that he is, he decides to mess around with the settings, and while we are eating within ear shot, he joins an online mission, in which players from all over the globe join in on a single mission to work together or to fight against each other. In an online round, players use a chat feature or a wireless headset to communicate with each other as a team, or if playing against each other, to engage in "smack talk". 

Within minutes, I detect German chatter coming from our bedroom and step in to check on Conner. He's engaged in moving tanks around in Paris, and a man is talking calmly (in German) over our tv speaker. It's then that it hits me that this stranger, halfway around the world, is using his Sunday afternoon to engage in online combat with a 4-year-old, who is smack talking him. The best part? It's a WWII setting (silly Germans), and my American son is kicking his heiny.

"How do you like THAT?" as he takes out another helicopter. Then we hear more German that neither of us understand. "I've got something fooor youuuu" as he serves up another Can of YouKnowWhat (with sauerkraut, of course).

For Mission: Teach Children Proper Smack, Mike gets an "all clear".

Valentine's Day - Picture Post

I'm thinking it's going to be awhile before I totally get it "together" with working the new camera, but I'm enjoying the learning process.

These pictures are from Conner's Valentine's Day party at school last week. Chase, obviously, tagged along, but dove right into the classroom setting, pulled up a chair beside his big brother and had a ball.

They shared pink cherry 7-up...

and made Valentine's Day art...

and then we went home. The end. (hahahha - I am SUCH a good blogger!) (or not)

Some Of You Are Missing Out.

Most of you are lucky (cough) enough to be Facebook friends with me (very elite group) (totally joking) and if you aren't following me on Twitter.. well... you are totally missing out.

For instance, you missed Chase's 2nd Birthday panda cuipcakes a-la me and about 7 years of my life that I will never get back from said cupcake baking.

And you are missing out on my Game Day tweets as well as .. um... yeah. Now that I think about it, just a truck load of random Amandaisms under 140 characters. Sometimes, you are missing run-on Amandaisms in 140 character spurts. I'm a professional Twitter feed spammer. Consider my resume updated.

On Facebook, you are missing the same Twitter feed (they are synced because my insanity is bound by a one social medium limit) plus some pictures. For instance, these of Conner:

 

... and us trying to figure out why it's SO DANG COLD AND WINDY!

Follow me on Twitter already. Sheesh.

In A Pickle Without A Key

I'd hear jingle, jingle clank, clank each time he'd shift his weight while sitting, albeit rather impatiently, in the large, green chair in our living room. Conner didn't ask too many questions and accepted his sentencing - to wait out 4 hours with military-grade handcuffs strapped around one ankle.

Not 30 minutes prior, Conner's curiosity captured him and his right leg. He trapped himself in the handcuffs an employee gave my husband as prank gift, and came to me for the keys.

"Oh no baby! Daddy has the keys on his key ring and he's at work till 4, at least!" I answered to his sad little eyes.

He responded with the look he normal gives when he says "Are you being serious, momma?".

I laughed a bit with Conner to lighten the mood while assuring him that the cuffs were not on tight, and then Michael text me a suggestion - "put the other cuff on the same leg". (Oh man, the laughter) This way, Conner wouldn't be annoyed with the cuffs hanging off his leg and on to the floor nor would they wear on his skin.

I grabbed a long pair of pj bottoms, pulled the leg through the first cuff, and gently locked the second. Conner sat so quietly, and laughed only when I told him he was my prisoner for the day.

And so he waited, without so much as a peep.

Four hours later, Michael walked through the front door. Conner sunk slowly to the ground from his green chair and placed one cuffed ankle into the air. He didn't say a word but his face read "UNLOCK ME NOW!". Michael slipped the key into each cuff, turned and suddenly, Conner was free.

He hasn't asked about the handcuffs since his "hard time", they've been put away (NEVER TO BE USED BY ANYONE) and maybe, he has learned that the criminal lifestyle is not for him. After all, no one looks good in stripes and ankle bracelets.

Day At The Park (Mostly Just Interesting For My Mom)

We went here (the parks around Alabama Shakespeare Festival, Museum and Theater) -

And fed these (see: below) some very yummy Lance's Grilled Cheese crackers (because damnit, that's all we had and they were already crushed)

                                                       ROAR!

And towards the back of the park, next to the art museum, were several Where The Wild Things Are-esque sculptures made of twigs. Amazing. You can see them in the background (on the left) in this picture -

Chase's hand.. AWWWW

And after I uploaded all of these, I noticed that Picasa can make collages, so I did just that.