Circle, Circle - Dot, Dot....

Just in the last 3 days, I've experienced a new level of boyhood. I'd like to report that I do not accept this particular stage and would much prefer to skip it.

In this stage, dialogue goes a lot like this:

Conner in a sing-songy voice: "My pennnnniiissss is a weaaapoooonn......" In this never-to-be-released Broadway-esque performance, my just-plain-nasty (at the moment...) 4-year-old sings those lovely lyrics with appropriately placed pelvic thrusts.

Next...

Conner comes to me with two large cups, one over each hand. He takes his official Power Rangers stance (legs spread, knees slightly bent, one arm out, one arm guarding his chest...), and shouts out "THESE ARE MY BOOBIE GUNS!"

My response (after laughter): "And what do they do?" (Stupid me for asking....)

Conner: "THEY SHOOT MILK!!!" "ARGGGG"

That's the only known side-effect of breastfeeding I've come up with to date.

Oh, and then there's this:

Last night, Conner gets out of the bathtub and runs full-force at the bed. After shedding his towel/cape, he jumps on the bed, throws his butt in the air, aims it towards Michael and proclaims "BEWARE! THIS IS MY BUTT CANNON! I WILL GET YOU WITH MY STINKY POOTS!"

People, this is just gross.

They Don't Sell Boobies at the Shop-A-Snack Kid

As Chase and I crashed into bed last night, and he let out the same giggle he does every single time he knows he’s about to get some one-on-one boobie action, I sighed and said, “You are going to be hard to wean, aren’t you?”

And I know the answer to that is unreservedly yes.

He already eats like a horse anyways, whatever we have, he wants. He gets “people food” at every meal, and seems especially not-full when I’m the most hungry.

He looks at me.
I look back at him.
I motion with my fork to my plate, half-full.
He grins.
I begin shoveling the rest of my food into his mouth, even though he’s already finished a small human portion himself.
Best. Diet. Ever

He eats more than Conner in the Real Food Department (sad, I know), still takes a few 3rd food purees, 2 small formula feedings a day, and of course… the breastfeeding.

But I wouldn’t call what he does “nursing”. I’m more of a Stop-N-Fill. Or Stop-N-Feel if you will…

He gets thirsty doing all that mad crawling and cruising along the furniture, right? I can read his mind: Oh but why have apple juice when Mom’s clearly not busy? I’ll just find her, yank down her tank top and have at it. She won’t mind.

I’ve tried the whole “Stick to your Guns” routine (Guns? Buns? Boobs? It’s tit-for-tat I’d say). I’ll tell him I’m NOT a 7-11 and insist that he get some juice out a cup like a civilized 1-year-old. But nope, he ‘aint having that.

Conner was breastfed till 14-months when the 3rd or 4th case of mastitis declared itself victorious. My original intentions were to stop Chase at the 1-year mark, which would be in about 2 weeks. I don’t see that happening. I’m hoping to have him cold turkey over the next few months. Sure to be interesting…

I guess this is like potty training. He can’t go to college still wanting to snuggle up to the nearest rack of voluminous boobies. Oh. Wait…