Tit-less in the Suburbs
Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 11:14AM Last week, I sent an email to a local plastic surgeon regarding my NEED (not want) for boobies, the same plastic surgeon that happens to have a $300 non-refundable (yet transferable to spa services) for a breast aug. that I cancelled due to a) cysts and kept cancelled due to b) I picked LASIK.
Yay sight.
Although the following is merely a re-creation of our email exchange, this is mostly how it went:
Subject: (_o_)\/(_o_)
Dear Rich Surgeon,
I’m flast chested and it makes me want to hurl. It’d likely make any man do the same. So basically, it’s your duty to fill the world with breasts that look better than mine.
Here’s a list of what I can do for you: vlog the process, full year of ad space, tweet boobie surgery, FB, and blogs. I was thinking of making my blog nothing but a Titty Fest for your practice for months. Think of all the traffic!
In return, I can haz free bewbs?
Luff,
Tit-less in the Suburbs
———
Lord.
I, of course, included credentials. I also mentioned that I’ve used his medi spa and he could even look up my chart - I wasn’t just hitting up ANYONE to do this, but HIS PRACTICE. Lucky him.
A few short (long) days later, I received a version of this response:
Subject: Re: (_o_)\/(_o_)
Dear Whatever Your Name Is,
WE HAVE lots of bloggers. TONS. They love us. Seriously. I promise.
And they write about their tits for free. I’m sure they tweet - they are on their bb’s and iphones from the time their nanny drops off their children till the time they pick-up dinner. AND they are always someplace high profile for my services - stylist, nails, pedis, the mall, or pretending to workout. Needless to say, we don’t need any coverage that looks professional as we are completely fine with superficial “omg loves!” from women I’ve hand picked.
But nice try!
If you’d like, after you pay for your procedure, I’ll give you a facial.
Regards,
Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Did I Mention I’m a DR.?
see attached (1): mypenis.jpg
——-
That’s right. A facial for a boob job. This sounds like a porn script if you ask me.
