5 Things Every Divorced Dad Should Know - A Guest Post

Reading Amanda’s 5 Things Every Divorced Mom Should Know, I couldn’t help but think of the phrase two sides of the same coin.  There are some similarities for moms & dads, but there are also many many differences once you move to solo flying.  And really, there’s such a massive number of things that newly divorced parents have to figure out that “do some reading and talk to many fellow members of this club” should be on both lists.  No blog could sum it all up. 

That being said, I’ve learned a few things over the recent past, so here’s a random, not all-inclusive list for the Dad readers of Hush, Amanda.  (C’mon, I know I’m not the only one.  Now it’s more important than ever to keep up to date on what the fairer sex is thinking.)

1.  You will revert to pre-marriage bachelor ways

…and that’s okay. To a degree. But don’t be too lulled into it.  Dishes in the sink? Sheets that haven’t been changed in a while?  So much dirty laundry that you go buy new underwear to have clean underwear? pffft. What’s the problem?  You’ll revel in it for a while (and I’ll freely admit it’s some mighty fine reveling) but sooner or later your kid(s) will call you on it, as they should.  And just try meeting a new friend and having her over for dinner one night, only to realize the impression you’re making is one of a frat house for a 40-year-old.  Would you let your kids stay even one night in one of your college apartments? 

2. Forget division of labor

You likely took it for granted that you could cut the grass, tinker in the garage, or any number of  guy things, while someone else was making sure the kids didn’t stick things up their nose, try crazy experiments in the kitchen with small electrics, or order pay-per-view trying to figure out the remote.  Now, it’s time for a multi-tasking plan.  You’re either outnumbered or at the very least playing man-to-man defense all the time. “You fed chili to a baby?!” (I know you get the reference right? Who’s with me?)

3. Febreeze is your friend

…..but it doesn’t actually clean anything.  You know that right?  Likewise, bleach, disinfecting wipes, a good floor mop, various laundry products, and a great vacuum cleaner are all your friends…..except they do clean.  The products aisle at your favorite grocer; get to know it, love it, go all coupon-crazy with it.  Turns out, there was a reason your married house had 386 different products under the kitchen sink.  Showers, floors, dishes, surfaces, toilets, windows, clothing stains from God knows where…..you can’t just use one thing (Even though I know you’ve tried.  We’re men.  We all have.)  Surface cleaners….flooring is a surface, right?…… oven cleaners, glass, tile, baseboards, rags, magic erasers, disinfectants.  You should get familiar.  Like Amanda said on her list, we’re gross.

4. Get a dog

If you don’t already have one, get one.  And if the family dog stayed with her, get another one.  Only exception for this is if you’re a road warrior for work. A dog will be endlessly comforting. They’re called man’s best friend for a reason.  (notice i didn’t say cat).  Your house will go from hectic, loud, and busy, to completely silent and too quiet, over and over again.  Having Rover there to back you up is priceless loyal company.  And they’ll actually love the fact that your socks or underwear are on the floor.

5. Your kids don’t visit you, they live with you

Yes, it’s not likely 24/7/365 or anywhere near that, but they’re not just coming over for a sleepover either.  So, be prepared to make your house their home too, and get educated on some buying decisions you likely never had to make. I know more about 9-year-old girl fashion than I ever would have dreamed possible.  For example, did you know there are about a billion ways that panties are made? (I hate that word, is it just me?)  For females, this sort of overwhelming list of choices pretty much extends to everything they have to buy, and it affects their mood and comfort drastically.  Kind of like us and sand wedges or car cleaners, but more personal.  You won’t want to forever rely on a suitcase moving back and forth between houses, so you’ll need to buy some things.  Get over it and be a Dad with a complete house, no matter how humble your new abode might be or what you think your ex spouse should be buying. 

Lastly, you’re still a parenting team. Learn to float gracefully from with kids to without kids, and back.  Whatever schedule you’ve agreed to…or got stuck with….flexibility will be required.  This is where it’s paramount to maintain an at least civil relation with their other parent.  Your sanity will thank you.  And if you both live with the mantra in mind of “what’s best for the kids” then, as Amanda says, it will get better.

Craig lives in Birmingham and is trying to straddle the line between cool fun dad and firm, example-setting dad.  Follow him on twitter @rcraigfowler