Potty Mouth

It has never been so apparent to me that I have two MALE CHILDREN than now. To explain, I could either give you an example of the literal crap spewing from my eldest child’s mouth OR I could simply transcribe the last 5 minutes of my life.

I like easy.

“Baby poo, baby poo… poo poo poo poo pooooo. I’m going to poop on you POOP POOP POOP POOP POOOOOO” all to the tune of “Jingle Bells”.

In my own personal Hell, my children will be 5-years-old and enjoy saying things like “I’m gonnnnna make youuuuu eat a poooooop hot dog with peepeeeee on it” while at the drive-thru window.

Or now, for example, that I’ve made dinner and served it. The boys are sitting at the table and Conner keeps going “RAAAAAWRRRRRRR Poooooooopieeeeeee!!!” on repeat. His brother is scared.

It’s ok, I’d be scared of a shitting dinosaur too.

Or now that he is calling Chase a “poopie eater” and in response, Chase is still screaming.

DOES ANYONE SEE A PATTERN HERE. I am literally up to my ears in crap. Everything is about poop, or pee and I just want to scream. I have tried EVERYTHING to make him stop, but it seems to have replaced every single descriptive word in his vocabulary and at least half of the nouns.

So far, I don’t think he is doing this in school based on the simple fact that I haven’t gotten a letter stating “Dear Amanda, Today Conner threatened to defecate on his classmates. Please have a word with your son. Thanks, Teacher”, but if I find out he is… I’ll spank the crap out of him.

Oh, the pun.

I leave you with “You better not cry, you better not poop. Santa Clause is coming to poop”. Tis the season…