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Monday
Jul122010

Helpful Advice to Newly Expectant Teenage Girls

Admission: I watch Secret Life of an American Teenager. Another admission: I’m not really a 13-year-old girl. Additional admission: I can’t even follow most of the storyline and I giggle through most of it. But, seeing as you are likely not a 13-year-old girl or as moronic as I, the storyline as of now is that GASP! yet another teenager is preggers with the baby of the original preggers girl’s old boyfriend (yet not the boyfriend that knocked her up). 

For those who are visual learners:

Luckily for us all, I just figured something out during this episode that will likely save any future preggers teenager a LOT of “get out of my house, you whore” from any number of family members or friends.

Here goes: If you’re a teenage girl, and become pregnant, immediately tell everyone you are going to abort the child. Work it up, let the gossip mill run, and have everyone tell you their opinion on abortion. 

Then, the day of the appointment, decide not to have the abortion and begin surprising people who think you’ve just murdered a baby w/ the news: SURPRISE! Alive baby! In the end: parents are hugging & everyone loves everyone. And the pregnant teen? She’s the most loved OF ALL.

You’re welcome.

Get a good therapist.

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