I See Cherubs and Crocs...

So, I’m taking a shower (not NOW, fools, that’s the setting. geeze).

Yeah, so in the shower, I was.

And I’m all washing my hairs and whatnots, when I start staring at the same tile I see every day and have for the last 4 years. When I notice something - a fat cherub.

No, I’m not on crack. They were only selling crack-free Fruit Loops at Publix this week, so guess again.

I could go the science route here and tell you about the phenomenon of humans looking for human characterisitics/features in objects is called pareidolia. 

But see? You are bored. (Well, maybe not, but GET OFF WIKIPEDIA AND COME FINISH THIS POST. Thanks)

Exhibit A:

You are looking here:

And since my mom likes it when I use my degree:

SEE? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?! FAT CHERUB IN MY SHOWER.

You can’t deny this. What nutcase Mexican tile worker thought this would be funny? I’M NOT LAUGHING, JESUS. (HAY-SEUSS). 

I’m actually crying. Crying because seeing angels is like… one of those things that happens before you croke, no? And now that I’ve typed it, I’m absolutely doomed. 

Oh, and another sign I’m sure to be 6-feet-under:

 That’s right folks. I bought crocs (for the kids). Now, before you unfriend me, unfollow me, and send me poo in bags, hear me out.

Chase can’t wear flip-flops - he’s FlipFlipIncapable. He does this foot-flick thing like something is stuck to him and then there are a lot of tears and meltdowns and the boy will surely have mental issues with socks or something later in life if I force him to wear them any longer.

Conner’s entire life revolves around trying not to fall. Cracks are giant craters to him. His equilibrium is fine, people, so don’t go all Dr. Awesome on me. He’s just… my son. Being such, flip flops hinder his already fragile ability to walk like a normal human being.

Oh, and they both have wide feet which makes sandal shopping a nightmare.

Moving along. I bought crocs. I said I never would. A friend today said “we do a lot of things as mother that we said we never would”. She’s so past right.

My other example? Shoes that light-up. Lord have mercy on my soon-to-be dead body (can’t say soul there, it lives foreevvvveeerrrrrr ::cries::). I hated them. Thought they were the most tacky thing I’d ever laid eyes on and swore to all that was ok to swear on that MY children would never wear them.

Then, my mother—in-law brought some over.

::FacePalm:: “Wine, please!”

And because “free” translates into “damnit, fine, THANKS FOR THE SHOES!” soon Conner saw them and loved them and a little piece of me died.

Twice.

But fortunately, Conner is also the victim of something called “cool” and when his friends at school all starting getting Merrells and New Balances, I f*cking jumped. 

YES, PLEASE!

So no more light-up shoes. EVER.

Um. Yeah. Crocs.

Oh! By the way - I tried them on (gasp! but wait!) and for all those morons that say “but they are sooooo comfy - waaaaaaaaaaaahh” - shove it. They are no better than my sandals, and my sandals have a special added feature:

I don’t look like the captain of the S.S. Douche Canoe

Comments

[Rebekah @ mom-in-a-million]

My kid has crocs too. But they're beige and I pretend that makes it ok. He also has light-up shoes. But I think those are retiring in favor of Converse with race-car-style flames that I just got him. Woohoo! But I am ABSOLUTELY drawing the line at those shoes with wheels that older kids wear. No how, no way am I letting him shoot around in those. That's just asking for him to knock over a little old lady.

[jamie]

crocs are okay for two things:
kids and trying to avoid random foot diseases in public swimming pool locker rooms.

the latter is even pushing it though imo.

[Siera]

I so see it.

[Bobbi Janay@When did I go from a kid to a grown up]

I agree free is free and on the crocs, I just couldn't do it.