My Dreams Can't Pay The Bills
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 at 8:09PM If I’ve learned anything in the past 3 years with blogging, it’s that if you are in a tough spot, or having an especially anxiety-riddled moment, typing it all out helps butt loads.
So here I am, again. Whining and crying and acting all pathetic-like to you guys. Thanks for reading.
When we moved to Montgomery, we did so on the premise that taking a promotion would mean more money. And it should, normally. But of course, being us, we moved at the absolute worse time possible - bought our house at the top of the housing bubble, and didn’t know we needed to prepare for financial meltdown.
We depend a good bit on quarterly bonuses, which are based off the company’s overall performance, customer service ratings, and office performance. However, no matter how amazing the office is (and it is), the money that is divided up is only as big as the company can handle, and for the last 3 years, that number has slowly gone downhill. Whereas we were expecting thousands (as we were receiving just that at one point), we are now getting barely hundreds.
As in… 200.
And this is where the true anxiety comes in.
I blog, you know that. I write, it’s my passion, it’s my love, it’s my hobby, it’s my escape, but it’s also my job.
This is what I do, and although I don’t receive direct compensation for my personal blog posts, I do write for money elsewhere. I also offer ads on this blog. Prior to my “bitch switch” from themomjob.net, I had a few ads and I was with an ad network (and I’ve since moved away from it for many reasons). I’m re-building my ad revenue now, but that’s really not the source of most of my income.
The issue is that I don’t make enough.
And now, it looks like I’ve got to get another job. A job in the Real World - one with a paycheck and co-workers and uniforms (barf).
I don’t want a job like that.
I went to school, busted my balls, got into college and graduated with a great degree from a wonderful school. A degree in a concentration that typically means you flexing SOME type of creative muscle. I use that degree every day - in my blog, in social networking and in my writing. What makes me want to curl into a tiny ball and cry my eyes out is that I can’t get a PR/writing/comm. job now.
I’m a stay-at-home-mom with emphasis on the “at home” part.
My children are my number 1 priority, and without family in our city, I am unable to depend on GrandParent DayCare. I will NOT (will not) (WILL NOT) put my children in daycare. Say what you will about that, but for me, it’s not an option.
So what’s left are part-time positions.
Which makes me feel like I’ve regressed. That everything I worked for, everything I strive for daily, everything I yearn to achieve in the future with my writing and my “brand” (lol) - it’s all for … what?
What does it all mean if I’m your cashier at Walgreens? Or I’m your check-out girl at Ulta? What if I’m waiting tables (again)? Yes, I can do those things for my family, but what about this? It’s the mental hangup that has me so upset.
I’m not better than those people - NOT AT ALL. I just have different dreams for me. Dreams that I’ve started working on and see develop a little more every day.
But dreams don’t pay the bills.
My writing can’t pay the bills.
And that makes me incredibly sad.
Reader Comments (10)
What does it all mean? It means your family is a priority. And that means an awful lot!
Hugs. I wish you got paid for being awesome, because then you'd be rich.
I agree 100%- no daycare! It may be fine for others but I don't want someone raising my children. I had a friend get excited the other day b/c her daughters daycare had started potty training her- ummm that's my job....
@Alena - **SMOOCHES**
@Matt - You made me smile, thanks.
@Bonnie - EXACTLY! It's ok for others, but not for me or my children. It's my responsibility to raise them here until they go to school. Once in school, I will JUMP at the chance to use my degree full-time. Until then, I'll have to do whatever I can to make the SAHM thing work.
Aw, hon, {{{hugs}}} to you!
What it means is that you are willing to do whatever it takes for your family.
As for daycare, I am with you on it. I basically grew up in daycare (a large, Southern, in-home daycare) and while I turned out fine (no comment, lol), I have made a conscious decision to stay at home with my kids. It involves choices - there's always a choice!
Could things be different one day? Absolutely. Will I do whatever it takes? Yes, ma'am.
You go, girl!
I agree with all of the above! You are awesome. Daycare... NO WAY JOSE. Your family comes first, being home for your boy's is a must.
Ulta ain't so bad (I've been thinking about a place like that myself... you know once I am not a baby factory anymore) and it is only till the boys are in school full time. Plus HELLLLLLO DISCOUNT!!!
Oh, my goodness, yes! I worked for my dad for years (from age 12 to 24) while I went to school and got my degree. I got a job outside of dad's place, but had to return to my dad to work part-time when Fuss was born. I feel so useless and pointless. (and now that even THAT job is ending, I'm feeling even more useless...) Good luck with the job hunt! It would be great if you could find something that you enjoyed and meant something to you as well!
How about a job at a bookstore? It's not creative but at least what you'll be selling is the result of a creative enterprise. Just don't spend your whole paycheck on books (like I might or might not have done when I worked in a bookstore in my 20s...)
Dude, I worked at as a cashier at a grocery store p/t making 9.50/hr which was less than half of my previous wage prior to going on mat leave. I know the feeling it's demeaning at times but I got humbled right quick. I wish I could get a waitressing job in my city unless you've got 5 years + expereince or got the T & A.
Blogging is unlikely to make anyone rich. Been doing it for six years now. made a couple of bucks, but nothing to write home about. But you are right, it makes for great therapy.